Did my parents ever intentionally place expectations on my gender and can I recall specific things said to shape me as a feminine little girl? No. I cannot recall. I spent the first seven years of my life only with an older sister, and then my younger sister was born. I never had a brother to compare gender roles and the influence of my parents. The most I can recall, and I’m not sure which events occurred first, is that my father always said that I was the closest thing he had a to a son. Whether in order to live up to the pride my dad spoke or simply by being who I was, I wanted that to remain the case. I remember deciding black was my favorite color in the first grade because it wasn’t the “typical” girl’s favorite color. I put Legos and videos on Christmas wish lists along with Polly Pockets and Barbies. My parent’s never seemed to deny me things because I was a girl, and neither did I deny myself things. I did learn as I got older, that I was viewed differently when competing with boys. I was “the girl who thinks she’s so fast” in a game of capture the flag and “lucky” when beating boy after boy at a video game. Maybe something of what my parents, or at least my father, communicated about their expectations of my gender was that I would be far greater if I did things the “masculine” way… or maybe that was just my interpretation.
~~~
Now, many years later, I have found one of the biggest expectations for a female revolves around wedding planning. I became engaged in July of this past year and was bombarded with planning questions. I was expected to know colors, flowers, bridesmaids’ dresses, and wedding gown ideas not even an hour after the engagement. This continued for months and even as my planning came together I still was stumped with questions. “Have you picked out a guest book?” “What sort of drinks will be served at the reception?” “Do you have gifts for the bridesmaids?” It was as if part of a female’s DNA includes how you plan a wedding and I should have been spending years and years piecing it together in my mind, long before the “right man” came along. I had no idea what an expectation there was for a bride and feel that if I have daughters I will give them fair warning.
And its no wonder things like this happen.
empathypost 